My Life, My Story, My Testimony

Have you ever felt that your life is going around in circles? Experiment in a laboratory. Write a research article. Submit the article to a publisher. Respond to reviews. Get the article published. Repeat. These pretty much sum up my life so far. I sat in a cushion with a cup of vanilla and caramel black tea in my hand, morosely contemplating my life. Surely life has been good to me. I am financially stable. My workplace appreciates and values my contributions. I am the picture of good health. I get a good education. I am making time for leisure. I am surrounded by good friends. Yet, I did not think the repetitive routine of my life could be compared with living life to the fullest. A feeling of uneasiness loomed up and threatened to overwhelm me. Tears were spilling down my cheeks as I sipped my tea.   Last Wednesday was a moment of epiphany for me as I shared my burdens with my friends. Derek said, "Life is like driving a car with a navigation system. There is a time when you wi

Regrets, I've had a few But then again, too few to mention   Those lines are from a song by Frank Sinatra entitled 'My Way.' This song came to mind when my friends, Jesica and Aulia, ask me, 'Do you have any regrets in life?' They are my high school friends and have settled down in Indonesia. We had a video call for a catch-up. They are married, with one baby, and so, shared their baby stories. I was a good listener and spectator since I could not relate to anything they said. As for me, I shared with them my carefree single life abroad (haha). They said that I am very fortunate to have a rewarding life. Then, that 'regret' question came up. Thinking back …   I was a well-brought-up young woman. In my childhood, my parents disciplined me to have good character traits, so that I could be successful in life. After school, I would have a nap at home and go for a swimming lesson or an organ music class afterward. Homework from school would always get done before

This summer, I got a book from Katarzyna.  The book is entitled 'Surrounded by Idiots', written by Thomas Erikson.  It is about four types of human behaviours which are described in the colours  RED  (dominant),  YELLOW  (inspiring),  GREEN  (stable), and  BLUE  (analytical).  After reading this book, I have an urge for reflective writing. I will not write a review of the book. I pen a story about me (haha). If we haven't met before, you can catch a glimpse of me. For my friends, this story may clear up misunderstandings in our relationship. Still, I cannot guarantee that you won't harbour any resentment towards me. Henry Rollins, an American musician, said, 'Sometimes the truth hurts.' This story is not for the faint-hearted (haha). I am always smiling and love to laugh . You may get this feeling when you meet me for the first time, either one-on-one or in a small group. In a big group… My friend, Camilla, said that  I am very zen  (haha, surprised?). The

I came across an article on LinkedIn by Kara Woods Hamilton, entitled Don’t Aim for Work-Life Balance. Aim for Work-Life Fulfillment , which pierced my heart. In my reflection, I sought work-life balance, but allocating hours equally across both would not guarantee their fulfillments. I may have the hours to give myself to my family, friends, interests, and hobbies, but I only have a limited amount of energy. I have the feeling that I am compromising my ‘personal life’ for my ‘work life’. I am not sure whether my job play to my passions. To put it aside, I am not even certain what passion is. I can do the job well, but I leave the office drained. When I looked back over my life, I chose engineering as my career path because it might pay me well. That’s the only reason I can remember. Luckily, I could manage to do it. I was in the science class during my high school, continued in chemistry for my bachelor, got scholarship for master’s degree in chemical engineering, and now, here I

On Friday afternoon, May 17th, 2019, ‘Here is the result of the practical exam.  You scored 136 out of 150, giving you a Distinction. Congratulations on this great result!’ That was an email from Valentina, an administrator for ABRSM Examination in Sweden. I felt extremely happy hearing this news. I almost felt as if I was high in a way. I need another strong word for ‘happy’. Euphoric! Yes, until I forget when the last time I felt this euphoria. I performed a violin ABRSM examination for level 1 on the 1st of May 2019. I registered for the exam on my own, though it is not an obligatory for me. A month before the exam, I was worried, even though it was not my first time performing in front of judges. I was feeling self-conscious if my hands trembled, I would play out of tune. Please, bear in mind that there are no frets on the violin, and I need to hold and move the bow. Too much tension! I am a newbie, after all! Haha. I started learning violin at the beginning of

Two years has passed since I came to Stockholm. For those who follow me on social medias, you may see me having so much fun and lots of laughter. The truth is … Yes, I have fun and laugh a lot. Haha. The best thing being a PhD researcher is having a time flexibility. I can work from home, even though I have my own working space in the campus. I can start to work at 6.00 and finish at 14.00 or start at 12.00 and finish at 20.00. I can work 8 hours a day for 5 days a week or take the whole week for working. In fact, there is no rules on working hours for a PhD. I only set myself 8 hours a day for working as if I am a full-time employee. After all, I am getting paid as a PhD. This sounds like a perfect life, doesn’t it?! Only until I realize that I have a supervisor who is complicated and difficult to understand. To start with, I am not here to give a lecture or tips and trick on how to deal with difficult person. Lots of materials about it can be easily found on the internet. Ho

Have you ever had someone who is not related by blood, but so precious for you? So, this story is dedicated to that kind of person. I met her when I was in Leeds, United Kingdom, for a master's degree. I learned a lot from her and I respect her by calling her 'Mam', a short version word for mama. Her name is Ambar Priskila and she becomes a mother figure to me. Please don't get me wrong - I love my biological mother, I know she loves me too, and I can't thank my mother enough for bringing me into being. I just want to show my gratitude to Mam Ambar. From left to right: Me, Mam Ambar, and a friend I called Jojo.  The first time I made contact with her is when she invited me to come to her house for a fellowship. I was so naive back then, so I could only think that she wanted something in return for her kindness. Otherwise, who on earth would open the door for strangers. In the end, I came to her house cautiously.  The first meeting is followed by the se