My Love for a Violin

On Friday afternoon, May 17th, 2019,

‘Here is the result of the practical exam. 

You scored 136 out of 150, giving you a Distinction.

Congratulations on this great result!’

That was an email from Valentina, an administrator for ABRSM Examination in Sweden. I felt extremely happy hearing this news. I almost felt as if I was high in a way. I need another strong word for ‘happy’. Euphoric! Yes, until I forget when the last time I felt this euphoria.

I performed a violin ABRSM examination for level 1 on the 1st of May 2019. I registered for the exam on my own, though it is not an obligatory for me. A month before the exam, I was worried, even though it was not my first time performing in front of judges. I was feeling self-conscious if my hands trembled, I would play out of tune. Please, bear in mind that there are no frets on the violin, and I need to hold and move the bow. Too much tension! I am a newbie, after all! Haha.

I started learning violin at the beginning of this year. It is true that I am not at a young age to learn a violin, but age is just a number, isn’t it?! On the surface, this may be a distraction from the relationship issue I have at work (Am I a Fool?). Yet, in my defense, I am not running away from the problem. Since I am good at maintaining a routine, a job can always be done whether I put my heart into it or not. To tell you the truth, I have a crush on the violin 10 years ago.

When I was in high school, I asked my dad to buy me a violin, out of the blue. I lived in a small town and there was no violin concert or any other concerts nearby. I could not find a violin class either. I think I just saw the violin in the music store, where I also took an organ class, and the violin looked beautiful to me. I sounded like a child asking for a toy, doesn’t it?! Surprisingly, my dad bought it for me. Did I learn the violin afterward? No. I hung the violin on the wall in a storage room. I don’t know why I did that. I guess I was overwhelmed with the schoolwork. Then, I forgot about it.

During my time in Leeds, UK, I joined a Leeds University choir. I became uneasy when there was a pianist accompanying the choir rehearsal. There was also a time when the choir performed with an orchestra and I felt anxious. It was not because I disliked the piano and orchestra accompaniment. It's just I wanted to be in their places, being a pianist and a violinist. Shortly, I took my first violin lesson in Leeds for 3 months. Not long after that, I graduated from my study. Then, I had almost 1 year been busy looking for a job and stopped playing the violin.

I found again my love for a violin at the end of last year. Somehow, I came across a video by TwoSet Violin. When I did a background check on Brett Yang and Eddy Chen, the founder of TwoSet Violin, my heart was moved. Though their videos are basically comedies about classical music, they are experience qualified violinists. They raised the funds on Kickstarter for a world tour to promote classical music to young generations. I am touched! Every time I see their videos, I feel the heart-burning inside of me, because I want to be as good as they are in playing a violin. I love them and I should be grateful that I found their channel. My wish, I can perform with them on stage when I become an advanced violinist.

Once I realize this feeling, it is unstoppable. The feeling of love for a violin keeps overflowing. Even if people are against it, I cannot make a cut. For a month, I always cried before sleep at the thought of quitting violin. I almost felt as if I was heartbroken. My younger brother told me that being a violinist would not make any difference in an engineer’s career and I cannot agree with it more. When my brain formed a conclusion that practicing a violin is a waste of time, I got a thought on quitting. However, the more I restraint on practicing, the more I suffer and fall in a deeply sadness. I cannot suppress my heart any longer. Now, an hour practice in a day is one thing I will not give in. It more likely becomes an addiction for me. 

Eventually, during my violin ABRSM examination, I forgot to be nervous. I was just too excited. I’ll tell you why: I was playing a violin and accompanied by a pianist on a grand piano. I do not have time to be nervous. That day, my heart was filled with happiness and I felt like I wanted to shout it out to the world. The examination was last for 12 minutes, enough for assessing scales, arpeggios, and 3 violin pieces, though I practice for 120 hours from January till the end of April. You can imagine how many hours the professional violinist spends for 1-hour recital.

At last, please meet 开 (Kai), my violin. His name means open or start in Chinese and rejoice in Swedish. I find my joy playing with him. I may not know what the future brings. I am made to become an engineer and a chemist, but deep inside my heart, I want to be acknowledged as a musician, a pianist, and a violinist. Even so, I believe new opportunities will be opened and waiting for me.

I alone know the plans I have for you, 

plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, 

plans to bring about the future you hope for.

(Jeremiah 29:11, GNT)