Am I a Fool?
Two years has passed since I came to Stockholm. For those who follow me on social medias, you may see me having so much fun and lots of laughter. The truth is … Yes, I have fun and laugh a lot. Haha. The best thing being a PhD researcher is having a time flexibility. I can work from home, even though I have my own working space in the campus. I can start to work at 6.00 and finish at 14.00 or start at 12.00 and finish at 20.00. I can work 8 hours a day for 5 days a week or take the whole week for working. In fact, there is no rules on working hours for a PhD. I only set myself 8 hours a day for working as if I am a full-time employee. After all, I am getting paid as a PhD. This sounds like a perfect life, doesn’t it?! Only until I realize that I have a supervisor who is complicated and difficult to understand.
To start with, I am not here to give a lecture or tips and trick on how to deal with difficult person. Lots of materials about it can be easily found on the internet. How do I know? Because I browsed it before. Haha. I merely want to share my experience. In case you have a similar case, then you are not alone, but I am not looking for comrades too. It’s just when I closed myself off and saw this problem as if it only happened to me, I felt being incompetent, before I found myself burnout and depressed. So, this is my story.
I believe my supervisor is a nice person. He ever said to me that he sees me and everyone in the research group as his family. Unfortunately, it is very hard for me to discern this good intention. From the very beginning I met him, he tended to push me around to do the work. I should mention that I am under an obligation to publish at least 4 manuscripts to recognized journals within 4 years as a PhD researcher. At first, I thought he was trying to get me publish 1 paper in my first year. Nonetheless, he remains the same, even though I published my second paper and, currently, writing the third one in my second year. He gets more insane, I would say. He asked me to do another project without delaying the current project. Hmm... I need a doppelganger here.
Surprisingly, he does not have any sense of time plan. He is absent-minded too. Perfect combo! For my research project, he was the one who signed the project agreement, yet he does not remember the due date for annual report. Many times, he suggested a research idea and before too long he forgot about it or even argued that the idea was not innovative enough as it was my idea. Ah, did I mention that he even missed the project goal?! Now, you’ve got it. Moreover, he kept asking when I would finish a certain work, though I sent him my timetable and set a meeting with him once in 2 weeks. At last, when he crossed the line and asked me to do the work during my sick leave, I appealed for a resignation. Just then, he apologized, and I decided to stay.
I desperately try to find a way dealing with him. As I said before, I browsed on the internet on how to deal with difficult person. I read a book by Stephen Covey, entitled ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ and another book by Dale Carnegie on ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’. I attempt to do every step suggested on the internet and in the book, and so far, nothing works. Did I say that I was desperate to get this through?
Well, all these babbling are simply a relationship issue. I am not saying my supervisor is incompetent. He may come to the job with years of experience and I hold a respect for him. Besides, everyone has flaws and I am not perfect either. The fact that I avoid a discussion, even meet him in person, only shows that I haven’t been able to understand him and my need for structure, certainty, and predictability is too high. Although I could say my colleagues are in the same boat with me, it won’t nullify the point that I have to mend my circle of influence.
Since this job only last for maximum 4 years, I have decided to stay, which means I still have a chance to understand my supervisor. Until I can figure the way out, I will believe that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I may gain greater self-control out of this issue. Let this be a remembrance to me.
To start with, I am not here to give a lecture or tips and trick on how to deal with difficult person. Lots of materials about it can be easily found on the internet. How do I know? Because I browsed it before. Haha. I merely want to share my experience. In case you have a similar case, then you are not alone, but I am not looking for comrades too. It’s just when I closed myself off and saw this problem as if it only happened to me, I felt being incompetent, before I found myself burnout and depressed. So, this is my story.
I believe my supervisor is a nice person. He ever said to me that he sees me and everyone in the research group as his family. Unfortunately, it is very hard for me to discern this good intention. From the very beginning I met him, he tended to push me around to do the work. I should mention that I am under an obligation to publish at least 4 manuscripts to recognized journals within 4 years as a PhD researcher. At first, I thought he was trying to get me publish 1 paper in my first year. Nonetheless, he remains the same, even though I published my second paper and, currently, writing the third one in my second year. He gets more insane, I would say. He asked me to do another project without delaying the current project. Hmm... I need a doppelganger here.
Surprisingly, he does not have any sense of time plan. He is absent-minded too. Perfect combo! For my research project, he was the one who signed the project agreement, yet he does not remember the due date for annual report. Many times, he suggested a research idea and before too long he forgot about it or even argued that the idea was not innovative enough as it was my idea. Ah, did I mention that he even missed the project goal?! Now, you’ve got it. Moreover, he kept asking when I would finish a certain work, though I sent him my timetable and set a meeting with him once in 2 weeks. At last, when he crossed the line and asked me to do the work during my sick leave, I appealed for a resignation. Just then, he apologized, and I decided to stay.
I desperately try to find a way dealing with him. As I said before, I browsed on the internet on how to deal with difficult person. I read a book by Stephen Covey, entitled ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ and another book by Dale Carnegie on ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’. I attempt to do every step suggested on the internet and in the book, and so far, nothing works. Did I say that I was desperate to get this through?
Well, all these babbling are simply a relationship issue. I am not saying my supervisor is incompetent. He may come to the job with years of experience and I hold a respect for him. Besides, everyone has flaws and I am not perfect either. The fact that I avoid a discussion, even meet him in person, only shows that I haven’t been able to understand him and my need for structure, certainty, and predictability is too high. Although I could say my colleagues are in the same boat with me, it won’t nullify the point that I have to mend my circle of influence.
Since this job only last for maximum 4 years, I have decided to stay, which means I still have a chance to understand my supervisor. Until I can figure the way out, I will believe that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I may gain greater self-control out of this issue. Let this be a remembrance to me.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain,
but it takes character and self-control
to be understanding and forgiving.
- Dale Carnegie
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