What Do You Think of Me?

This summer, I got a book from Katarzyna. The book is entitled 'Surrounded by Idiots', written by Thomas Erikson. It is about four types of human behaviours which are described in the colours RED (dominant), YELLOW (inspiring), GREEN (stable), and BLUE (analytical). After reading this book, I have an urge for reflective writing. I will not write a review of the book. I pen a story about me (haha). If we haven't met before, you can catch a glimpse of me. For my friends, this story may clear up misunderstandings in our relationship. Still, I cannot guarantee that you won't harbour any resentment towards me. Henry Rollins, an American musician, said, 'Sometimes the truth hurts.' This story is not for the faint-hearted (haha).

I am always smiling and love to laugh. You may get this feeling when you meet me for the first time, either one-on-one or in a small group. In a big group… My friend, Camilla, said that I am very zen (haha, surprised?). The truth is I don't like small talk. I learn the ability to engage in small talk. No, you are not reading it wrong. Small talk skill does not come naturally to me. In a big group, I don't need to direct a conversation. I can be a spectator, as introvert as I could be, observing your behaviour without saying unnecessary words. If I find you attractive, I will ask some questions. If you happen to be a quiet person, the conversation may feel like a bit of an interrogation. Oh, if I am at the centre of attention, I do not mind if people interrogate me (haha). It is unlikely that I will say anything about myself if the question does not come up. 

After spending some time with me, you will realize something is always happening in my life. I can not sit still even if I am on vacation. Do not get me wrong. A workaholic is my worst enemy. Having lots of work is not my thing, simply because that is exactly what it is - work. Instead, I indulge in outside interests. I became a radio presenter during school holidays. I learned to play the violin during the winter break. This summer, I learn about songwriting. I have written two songs ever since. Doing something rather than nothing is one of my attributes. The intensity is highlighted since I have the courage to try new things. I will tell you a bizarre thought crosses my mind recently. I want to be an actress. I will repeat it again. I want to be an actress. Why not? I can sing, dance, play the piano and violin. I have a dazzling smile. As for the acting skill, I can learn it. I told my brother about this. He paused a moment as if dumbfounded, then said, 'I think you have a screw loose. Go and take a vacation!' I also got the same reactions from my parents. Did I get discouraged? No. I was burst out laughing with them. I cannot put into words why I even laughed at myself for this idea. Indeed, it is not impossible for a full-time chemist/engineer to be an actress. Let the time answer (haha).               

If we work on the same project, you will know that once I have said I will do something, it will be done whether I like to do it or not. I will do my part immediately, as quickly as possible, even when the deadline has not been reached yet. Later, as we delve into the project, I tend to be blunt and direct in my speech: no more flowery phrases or drawn-out discussion. I will say exactly what I think without any frills. If you want to take a peep at what I mean, you don't have to be in the same project with me. Call me close to my bedtime, when my self-awareness is low (even go to zero). You would probably hear only a phrase, 'Do you want something? Speak up.' (haha) There was someone who actually did this, and he got bent out of shape.  

About my temper, I think I never lose my cool. For sure, I threw tantrums when I was a child. Yelling, banging the door, slamming the table, you name it. Still and all, I did those things at home. Even my mom said that I was a little angle in front of other people (haha). So, I do not think you ever see me angry or behave in a bad-tempered uncontrolled way, and I hope you never will. If I get disappointed or displeased, I will go into a sulk for a moment. You will not have any problem for noticing this, since it will be written all over my face. Unless I want nothing to do with you, I will not sulk and hold grudges for long. Due to my lousy memory, I will even quickly forget that there were some problems. Careless and happy-go-lucky (haha). Oh, I will tell you a story.

I was 17 years old and just got my motorcycle license. One day, I rode home from my friend's place. Since the road was nearly empty of traffic, I challenged myself to increase the speed to around 60 km/h. I had a good feeling of adrenaline rush. It was thrilling! Although, I should admit that I almost hit another motorcycle which was parked on the side of the road. I did not tell anyone about this, but that night, my mom scolded me. Who would have known that she was following me from afar and saw the moment of danger. A few months later, I fell off my motorcycle while riding it downhill. I got up, still conscious, but blood was trickling down my face. I had 11 stitches on my forehead. Later, when I forgot all past pain and the wounds had healed, I involved in a head-on collision. Did I survive? Of course. Otherwise, who would write all this nonsense. I was hospitalized for 2 months for a brain injury. You may ask, after all those things happened, did I still ride a motorcycle? You get it. I did (when no one was watching). Fearless. Maybe, to the point of stupidity (haha).  

In my reflection, I can not associate myself with one single colour. When I asked Abraham, one of my closest friends, he thought that I am either YELLOW or GREEN, but when I took an online test, the test result showed that I am RED. How I should conclude this (haha). Everyone is unique and has their own personality. Aside from this, a man has the ability to gain knowledge and understanding. Indeed, I tend to be daring and audacious, but I learn to rein in my emotions. I strive to be a well-rounded person. Attempting the impossible, but not stirring up trouble. So, what do you think of me?

Our life is what our thoughts make it. 
-Marcus Aurelius