I also called her Mama

Have you ever had someone who is not related by blood, but so precious for you? So, this story is dedicated to that kind of person. I met her when I was in Leeds, United Kingdom, for a master's degree. I learned a lot from her and I respect her by calling her 'Mam', a short version word for mama. Her name is Ambar Priskila and she becomes a mother figure to me. Please don't get me wrong - I love my biological mother, I know she loves me too, and I can't thank my mother enough for bringing me into being. I just want to show my gratitude to Mam Ambar.

From left to right: Me, Mam Ambar, and a friend I called Jojo. 

The first time I made contact with her is when she invited me to come to her house for a fellowship. I was so naive back then, so I could only think that she wanted something in return for her kindness. Otherwise, who on earth would open the door for strangers. In the end, I came to her house cautiously. 

The first meeting is followed by the second one, the third, the fourth, and it went on and on. She carried on being generous and true. Every time we had a fellowship in her house, there was always foods on the table. I was pretty sure that she would cook some dishes and bake some cakes or cookies, not only for the fellowship, but also for everyone who visited her. She treated everyone fairly with so much respect and genuine love. I was really happy and, eventually, I longed for the fellowship that I used to be suspicious with before. I could not agree more that she broke the walls of prejudice that I built in.

These days, I pondered the words of 'Love Others So Radically They Wonder Why'. I tried my best to digest those words. I just did not get it. I loved someone in my past, then he took advantage of me. I cared about a friend, she stabbed me in the back afterwards. I served someone out of kindness. After that, I was stared with total contempt. Basically, the question is how to love others so radically until they wonder why. Wait a minute, didn't we talk about Mam Ambar before? Yes, we did. You will see how the story goes, hopefully. lol. 

A couple days ago, I read an article 'Angry All the Time for No Reason? This Might Be Why' by Margarita Tartakovsky, a Clinical Psychologist. There was a woman, named Cindy (not real name), who worked very hard to keep everyone happy, but beneath her cheerful and positive attitude was anger and loneliness. Margarita said that Cindy was not in tune with her feelings, which resulted in an inability to navigate her emotions. 

Unlike Cindy, when I looked at Mam Ambar, she did the best she could do without pushing herself to fulfill other people expectation or get any recognition. She is just being herself. I remember when I helped her preparing for a fellowship, she used available ingredients she had in her kitchen. Though only fried rice was served for dinner, everyone was satisfied and happy. Sometimes, she also apologized for her imperfect baking, even though the taste was still good. Nevertheless, she invested her time, money, and energy for others. That's the way she loves others and I wonder why.

When I thought people took advantage of me, I realize that I had a part in that dynamic. That’s where I did not aware or even acknowledged my feelings. I say yes when I really want to say no. I do things for others that I don’t feel comfortable doing.  

There is nothing wrong with making others happy, even though it is not our responsibility, I would say. How we can make others happy if we don't feel happy. How we make peace with others if we don't have peace with our self. How we forgive others if we are not able to forgive our self. How we love others if we don't love our self. 

Thank you for Mam Ambar who helps me grow in faith and shows me an example of living out the truth. I wish you a happy birthday. Surely love and mercy, His peace and kindness will follow you. I hope you also know how much I love you. 

Love Others So Radically

They Wonder Why