I Am Still Standing!

Have you ever feel like you don't belong? Yes, I have. I don't talk that much to people for what I have been through since not everyone would understand the story. Yet, there is a family, Pak Kurniadi and Mam Ambar as well as their three childrens, Billy, Varetta, and Amanda, that I don't mind to share my stories. I hope this writing could please them in some way.

On Tuesday, 25 July 2017, Pak Kur's family pays a visit to my home town and we meet up in one of the famous tourist attractions. If you are wondering who they are, well, they are a happy family that I met when I studied in Leeds, United Kingdom. At that time, I pursued a master degree, while Pak Kur joined the PhD. I often spent time with them for either special occassion or just regular visit. When the school holiday came and I was alone in the flat since all of my friends went on a trip, I slept over at their house. So, for me, they are like my family. It has been a year since I graduated and now, Pak Kur has finished his study and returned to Indonesia.

From left to right: my brother, Bintang; it is me in blue;
Mam Ambar, and Pak Kurniadi.

We have been catching up with each other and finally, I tell them that I will go to Stockholm, Sweden for studying while working. I share to them what I have been through and how I could get the position. I could be quite talkative, believe it or not. They even ask me to shorten the story since they have to go to another place. Forgive me, I couldn't resist (haha). Then, Mam Ambar wants me to write down the story as an inspirational writing. I laugh. The journey of mine is not always seen as a successful story.

Though I graduated from an overseas university, The University of Leeds, United Kingdom, with a distinction honor, moreover was funded by the government, The Ministry of Finance, I arrive at nowhere. Someone even said to my mom, What a shame! She went to school far away from home, but then she has been unemployed, with sarcastic tone. Luckily, my mom is a tough one. She replied, No! My daughter will get employed soon. If you think an acquaintance or a connection may help for getting a position, well, it doesn't happen to me. I tried to send my CV to some leaders in their fields, but no one gets back to me. If you think a liveliness at school may add a value for CV, in fact, I got 3000 points for my participation in either organizational or social activities, while my school only required 300 points to graduate, but no one noticed the achievement and gave me a job.

Long before that, when I finished my bachelor degree, a friend of mine sneered at me for having an idea to have a zero waste industry. Why you are so idealize, he said. Another one mocked me for pursuing a job in oil and gas company in order to collect the capital. You will be tired of trying. The other despised me for getting a scholarship to pursue a master degree. You are just a woman. You will end up just as a housewife and manage your household. Higher education is unimportant. A woman is a commodity. Thus I stop myself sharing my stories to them. I could imagine their return of marks. Either I have bad associations or I am in less supportive environment, I am not sure myself. One thing for sure, I fell like I don't belong.

The words of comfort and strength from Pak Kur and Mam Ambar encourage me to finally write this story. Pak Kur brings up the story of Samuel who sought David to appoint him as a king over the Israel. During that era, mobile phone had not been found. No calls, no texts, no internet, no GPS and, please, do not expect to find facebook, instagram, or any other social medias. However, Samuel was able to find David due to the intervention of The Navigator of Life. Likewise, from Ambarawa, my home town, to Stockholm, Sweden, is not a coincidence. 

Later, Pak Kur shares his morning contemplation for focusing on where The Navigator is leading us, not on the problems. The Navigator does really have a purpose behind the problems and it must be for His Glory which would be our glory too. He always has a way to make us more than a conqueror. Then, Mam Ambar reminds me of The Word, no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what The Navigator has prepared (1 Corinthians 2:9, NLT, author's modify). When I look back on my life, it is true that I don't always get what I ask for, but I always get fun and adventure. 

I just couldn't see the big picture of my life. Actually, I only need to take one step at a time. Though The Navigator ways are higher than mine and His thoughts higher than mine, just as the heavens are higher than the earth (Isaiah 55:9, NLT, author's modify), but I still could say I AM STILL STANDING!

God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than I can stand. 

(1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT, author's modify)