Chewing the Goodness Over

I never knew you’ve got into difficulties like these. How do you pull yourself together?, said my younger brother. He hasn’t found a place for internship after several months searching, while he is obliged to take an internship in 4 months from now. In my case, it has been 7 months after graduating from the University of Leeds and I haven’t been employed by any companies or industries. Well, let us sit down and I’ll tell you what I’ve been through.

I officially finished my master degree in Chemical Engineering from the University of Leeds on 24 October 2016. After struggling with getting letter of acceptance from the University of Manchester, yet failing for finding a scholarship, I decided to flight back to Indonesia. The complete story of my efforts in Manchester could be found in: I thought I chose the surest road. I touched down in Soekarno-Hatta International Airport, Jakarta, on 6 November 2016 and since that day I strove myself finding a job, even trying to start-up a business. I was not even thinking to continue study anymore.

I applied to more than 90 companies including national companies, multinational companies, even overseas companies. The list kept going on and on until I could hardly bear it anymore. If it was not enough, I also tried to build connections. No less than 150 people had been contacted. I applied at least one job or contacted at least one person every single day. Yet the answer would always look like this:

We have considered your application very carefully. Unfortunately we regret to inform you that we will not be progressing further with your application.

or something like this:

After careful consideration, we found that your profile did not match with our current needs.

I even got an answer like that for a graduate trainee position. I realize that I am a fresh graduate and don’t have any experience working in an industry, so I feel that a graduate trainee position is a good start for me since I will get an internal training before working on a real job in an industry. But, I was wrong. The doors were closed for me. The worst thing, I got the answers like that almost everyday from different companies or industries. No matter how soft the words, still, they were rejections.

Then, such a promising beam of light entered the room. My dad has an acquaintance in The Labor Ministry who was willing to help me getting a job. As the months passed, the light has dimmed slowly. I haven’t got any placement. Such a false hope.  

Did I give up? Not yet. I was thinking, all these difficulties might be a turning point to be a success for starting-up a business. It was a good idea, wasn’t it. I do really hope that I was right. Unfortunately, my business proposal was rejected to be funded. I write down the value of my business plan which represents my passion in: Live Can Be Sweeter than This.

It seems all my lives had been a series of doors in my face. I didn’t know the reasons behind all these and I started questioning myself. I did my best in my studies for getting a cum laud award. I spent my time doing some research projects outside academics to get more values for my CV. I joined organizations for strengthening my soft-skills and building networking. Of all my efforts, is it not enough? Is it for nothing?

And now what? what should I do?, my thoughts. My dreamed jobs repelled me, even any other jobs revolted. Starting-up a business seem a failure. When David in his song said I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. That's exactly who I was. But, David continued the song with I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. Then, I quieted myself because when I looked back to the past, I had many enjoyable experiences. To name a few, granting a scholarship from The Ministry of Finance, getting accepted in the University of Leeds, seeing the London Eye, taking a picture in Eiffel Tower, as well as having friends from different countries and cultures. Indeed, I lacked nothing. Finally, I didn’t have the words anymore. I chose to believe that everything will turn out good in the end and IT IS! for both my younger brother and I.

...

I am losing all hope;

I am paralyzed with fear.
I remember the days of old.

I ponder all your great works

and think about what you have done.
...

(Psalms 143:1-12, NLT)