Because I am Loved

Why can’t you follow the simplest order? You mean waiting for nothing? I don’t like it! C’mon, let me out. I want to make my mark. Fine, but not in the wrong places. What exactly do you want from me? Do you want me to be unemployed, like forever? I can see nothing in your way.

That was a poor unfinished conversation with my dad. I went to my room and locked the door afterwards. I was full of anger, yet I could do nothing. Suddenly my tears fell down. I grabbed my phone and I texted my friend, Johannes Natanael Sianturi. I called him Jojo. Why did I text him? I don’t even know, I could only think of him at that time, for a shoulder to cry on. So, here is the case.

I had been unemployed for 4 months. Then, a job offer came in my way for education counselor position from an education institution in Yogyakarta. They offered me a monthly take-home payment 3-times higher than regional minimum wage. Yet, the job is not in line with my discipline. I don’t major in education. Neither in Psychology. I knew this opportunity from my friend who has worked there. I thought the job may be an opportunity which comes in disguise. So, I went through many interviews, starting with the head of Yogyakarta branch office, the regional head for Central Java, the HRD from headquarters in Jakarta, to the country director for Indonesia since the institution is a global company. When it came to salary negotiation, I said to them I would consider the job if they tripled the take-home payment and, unexpectedly, they granted my wish. Such a great performance, wasn’t it. However, my dad kept standing against me, right from the time I applied to this job. He insists that I deserve the best and I will get it. What is the best?, my thought. I could barely believe in my dad. In fact, I didn’t understand him. What he thinks of me remains a mistery for me. Well, in the end, I turned down the offer since I didn’t have an inner peace. I am not sure if it was because of my dad or something else. 

Later, I had 5 interview invitations from a national industry in Surabaya and four different multinational companies which have headquarters in Jakarta. Although the interviews worked well, I turned down 3 offers because the jobs seem to contradict my virtue, while the rest hasn't got back to me.

Ah, I was a broken girl. Though it was simply because I hadn’t been employed, while I wanted to get a job, I felt like my world was falling apart. What’s more, my mom disputed with dad. My dad came up with a ridiculous idea for finding a PhD scholarship, whereas mom wished me for settling into a job. My head felt like it’s about to explode. I only hoped for a decent job. Alternatively, being the owner of energy-from-waste industry would be incredible. Is that too much to ask? I asked The Navigator, do you hate me this much? Is it the reason why you haven’t given me a place to go?

Somehow, Jojo said these words which, indeed, have opened my eyes. You plan your course, but The Navigator directs your steps. There was not much else he helped me. Knowing that he felt asleep and left me by myself was unbelievable. However, because of him, I’ve learned to surrender and let go of control. I might look for a job or a PhD scholarship, still the victory belongs to The One who made me, The Navigator.

The next morning, I made peace with dad. I realized I had been hard on him because I couldn’t calm myself down. Then he said, I do this because I love you. I never meant to hurt you. I reconciled with my Navigator as well and trusted Him the control. He whispered in my heart Romans 8:38-39. I stood in awe since my daddy’s words and His were alike. Following this, assuredly, I get a blessing for granting my dad and mom’s wishes. How is that possible? Well, how can I say? It is right in front of my eyes, for studying while working and vice verse, I am not sure either.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate me from God's love. Neither death nor life neither angels nor demons, neither my fears for today nor my worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate me from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate me from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus my Lord.

(Romans 8:38-39, NLT, author's modify)