Between Nowhere and Nowhere

Dear Devy,

Here I would like to inform you after our internal discussion, basing on all application on the position, you have been chosen for this position! Congratulation!

...

We expect you to come to KTH as soon as possible.

...

Best regards,

Weihong and Par

No way! I don’t believe it! Yeah! I get accepted and it is in KTH Royal Institute of Technology, Stockholm, Sweden. I’ve made it (*gushing). Wait, what if this is not the right door for me. Oh no, what am I gonna do? Is this real? Please somebody tell me that this is not some kind of joke (*confused). Alright, I can’t wait to be there! Stockholm, here I come! (*excited). Ah, I need to visit grandma before I go. Don’t forget to tell Jojo, Cora, Tania, Monica, Kevin, Pak Kurniadi, Mam Ambar, Ginanjar, Mam Yeti. Is that all? Do I forget someone? Why there’s not much time left. I want to spend time with my dad, mom, and younger brother as well (*gloomy). Hold on, how do I pay for the flight? How about the accommodation? I need to apply for VISA (*worried). This is what I am dealing with. Such a mixed feeling. I have been looking for a job, then being conflicted when getting a job. Ironic. Yes, it is, but I am over it, by the way. I have pulled myself together. Well, the story is like this.

Do you want to be a researcher? I can consider about that, but actually I want to be an executive director for an industry. Moreover, I wish to be a business woman who has an industry both nationally and internationally. I guess it is better for you to join an industry related to your discipline rather than continuing study. I guess so. I agree with Tania, the one whom I talk to. She is a project manager in a multinational non-profit organization. She always remains calm and can control her emotions and behaviors. Tania Trestya Putri. Very well then, let’s go back to our topic. In fact, if anyone asked me my goals, I would surely say that I want to have a career in an industry, then, further, I desire to own a business. Yet, I get accepted as a researcher in higher education institution.

Do I go too far? Maybe. I am not sure. So far, I applied to more than 90 companies and contacted no less than 150 people, but I get dismissed or, the worst, being ignored. I thought it is time for a new course, new direction. Then I jump at the chance to find PhD scholarship. Is it easier? I do hope so. Nevertheless, from 54 applications to universities all over the world, I only get one offer. I am welcomed to join the Department of Material Science and Engineering in the School of Industrial Engineering and Management at KTH Royal Institute of Technology, Stockholm, Sweden. The best part is I have a blessing to fulfill my dad and mom’s wishes. And that would be? Allow me. My dad wants me to continue study, well, I will do a PhD degree. My mom hopes for a job for me, there I am, I will get a monthly salary for doing a research. Win-win! Now, do I have other choice? Well, I do have to choose whether accepting the offer or turning it down. If I turn the offer down and once again trying to find a job, is it a good decision for everyone? for my family? for me? I guess, I can only walk to the door in front of me.

A clergyman, Anselm of Canterbury, said For I do not seek to understand in order to believe, but I believe in order to understand. For I believe this: unless I believe, I will not understand. I don’t know the reason behind all these, but I want to believe if I go through this way step by step, soon I will see the final point and have the big picture of the way. It is like completing the puzzle, isn’t it. It is true that I know not what awaits me, but I learn that the best thing I can do is put my trust in The Navigator of my life. After all, I am convinced that the journey will be fun! You’ll see.     

Your thoughts are nothing like my thoughts.

Your ways are far beyond anything I could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so Your ways are higher than my ways

and Your thoughts higher than my thoughts. 

(Isaiah 55:8-9, NLT, author’s modify)